This Is Not Ok: Muslim Ban

Made by A

          A week ago 3.5-5.6 million people were marching in solidarity around the world.  I don't think any of us thought that we'd be forced to unite again for such an urgently vital cause so soon.  The events of today are so shameful for our country that my emotions and thoughts are far from calm.  That is my disclaimer for why this post might have a much different tone and level of eloquence than others.  These are not normal times.

          It is very hard to wrap my head around the fact that I am witnessing a fresh bruise spread across the United States of America, severely blackening Lady Liberty's face.  The words at her feet are being spat upon by our leaders as some of the best among our citizens are trying our damnedest to clean it up, fetch her an ice pack, and get between her and the next blow.  During the campaign I'd heard that Trump had a book of Hitler's speeches near his bedside.  I struggled to imagine that he would seriously look at Hitler as someone to emulate, or view his way of ruling as a guidebook.  After the events of this first week, however, I am having a hard time thinking otherwise.

          Slavery.  The Holocaust.  The Japanese Internment.  Weren't we supposed to learn from these historic failures?  How are we detaining and deporting legal visitors and residents in 2017 especially without any real warning?  How are we shutting our doors to people in need, and to those in need from Syria indefinitely?

          Let's look at some facts as I have seen them throughout the week.  I will even try to cite them if I can locate the specific sources again.  On Tuesday, we heard the warning that Trump would be signing an executive order relating to immigration (1).  On Wednesday we got a few details, but with the dozen (2) executive orders being signed and discussed this week its importance wasn't yet being fully felt.  Thursday alarmed us when we heard of Trump's order that a "weekly list of crimes committed by immigrants" (Kentish, 3) was to be published.

          Was this real?  I actually had to explain the significance of this to someone who claimed that since they were illegally here, this was ok.  He even went so far as to compare illegal immigrants with rapists.  I agree that the legal channels should be used when possible, but I will not judge all the illegal immigrants as a whole.  I am sure they each have their own reason for coming here the way they did, and since I don't know their reasons I refuse to condemn them for it.  The order doesn't even specify that they have to be illegal immigrants to end up in this publication.  I see this order as a way for Trump's administration to try to turn the nation against a vulnerable group of people, immigrants, much the way Nazis worked to turn Germans against their own neighbors.  My sister says you should never compare things to Nazis unless it is completely relevant.  I hope she will consider this relevant.  Let's also remember that most of us wouldn't be here if not for immigrants.

          On Friday I tried to focus on ways we can resist whichever specific changes we feel need resisting by adding to my growing list of actions, and eagerly awaited details on the March for Science.  D and I were privileged* enough to enjoy our date night with In-N-Out, Doctor Strange, and a Bleach half-marathon.  We drifted asleep having no idea what was about to happen (or indeed already happening).  Early Saturday afternoon I got up first, fed the lizards, got them out for some sun and fun, and eventually got around to checking online.

          I wasn't surprised to see that he had banned people from seven countries from entering ours (4).  The previous days had certainly said this was coming.  What I didn't immediately realize was that it already took effect.  For another blissful hour I remained a believer that we would stop this before it went into action.

          Not even two full sentences into Dan Rather's Facebook post (5) did I realized that taxis around JFK (6) were trending for a very important reason.  I still haven't finished reading his post because the first line was enough for me to know that America has committed an unforgivable sin, yet again, but this time it happened on my watch.  Talk about history coming to life before your very eyes.

          I am having increasing feelings of connection with the citizens of 1919-39 Germany.  As I have oddly calm discussions with those around me about how we will react if our country directly threatens the safety of the vulnerable around us, I wonder if this is exactly how those people in the age of black and white felt and talked.  When I think of the people in the past I know they were living in the same color world we are and that they were ordinary people like us, but the extraordinary circumstances they faced elevated their stature in my mind.  Now that history might be starting to repeat itself their pedestals are lowering and I can imagine them sitting at the table with us sharing our same feelings.

          How dramatic, right?  Yet, the dramatic events of today make it feel appropriate.

          When I sat at my desktop, and therefore my Twitter account, the extent of this bullshit executive order (7) overwhelmed me.  What the fuck has our president done?  There are innocent people being detained at airports across the country.  It doesn't matter that they have legal visas or green cards; the fact that they are citizens of one of those arbitrary seven countries means they can't come into the US.  There are reports that those being detained include a baby who is in fact a citizen (8)(9), children, men and women, young and old, and even some with special health needs.  So, you know, typical human beings.  Some of these humans have been prevented from getting back here, home, because of this ban, leaving pets, jobs, cars, and homes unattended (10).  Some have even already been deported.

          If that by itself doesn't make you sick or furious or some equally strong and negative emotion let's discuss my use of the word arbitrary.  Why are these countries arbitrary?(11)  For starters, citizens of those countries haven't been among the successful terrorists on U.S. soil for more than 20 years (12).  I have to say successful because I don't know the data on suspected or prevented terrorists, but it is also possible that they wouldn't even be on those lists.  Not that it even matters.  We should never judge an entire population based on the actions of the few.  Think of the jerk(s) in your group of friends; should your entire group of friends be considered jerks if only a few are?  Or look at your family and think of your least favorite person and whether or not you'd want to be lumped in with them.  If you are lucky enough to have no jerks in your friends circle or family then you are lucky, but you should also get the point. The first paragraph of Section 1 of the EO states that this ban is to "stop attacks by foreign nationals who were admitted to the United States."(7)  Citizens of these seven nations do not fall into that category.

          Now that we've established that there is no credible safety concern with the group of humans we've banned from our country (13), let's address why their countries got picked.  NPR and Vox (14) are strongly suggesting that our president has business or business plans with the countries of origin of actual recent terrorists, and as long as they remain friendly, they might remain off the list. Even if this reason didn't play a role in choosing these countries, isn't it bad that it is so believable?  Next, the argument that this isn't a Muslim ban is technically, officially correct.  Why?  Because an official Muslim ban is unconstitutional and those who wrote this EO know it (15).  If they want this law to stand a chance in court it has to at least appear to be related to something other than religion.  To anyone who heard Giuliani's description for the origin of this EO they are obviously putting lipstick on a pig.  It is still an attempt at a Muslim ban.  If you don't believe me, read Section 5b and tell me that the religious minority given priority is Islam.  I'll give you a hint: it's not.  This is their way to cherry pick which religious followers can come to the US.  For trying to leave religion out of it, they certainly messed up.

          Allow me another aside.  What religion or lack of religion are you?  Do you believe that you should have the right to worship or not as you please as long as you aren't harming another illegally?  Do you believe you should be able to go throughout your life without someone else telling you that you are doing it wrong?  If so, then you understand why a Muslim ban is wrong, why any religious ban is wrong.  The separation of church and state is not meant to take away any of your religious rights.  It is meant to prevent you from having to follow someone else's religious traditions.

          Final note on Yemen, Sudan, Somalia, Syria (break my heart), Libya, Iraq, and Iran.  It is being said that these countries were picked by Obama's administration (16).  That is sort of true, but being picked for further restrictions is not the same as being banned completely, temporarily or longer.  The way I see it, the current administration picked these same seven countries because their approval for restrictions by the previous administration allowed them to feel comfortable to pick on them again.  This list is open to change which furthers my belief that they were looking for a quick way to get the ban started and then probably change it if they aren't happy with the choices.

          Do you see why I'm upset?  We are randomly refusing entrance to legal visitors and residents because our president doesn't feel worried about ticking off their home country's leaders, nor does he care how it affects everyone.  If he cared about the individuals affected there would have at the very least been a block of time provided for those affected to figure out their plans.  I can hear him argue that we shouldn't give them warning or it will let them plan something evil!  Bullshit.  The people affected have already been vetted (a term originally used in horse racing, by the way) meaning that they have been determined to pose no risk.  This ban affects individuals, their families, the jobs they work at, their neighbors, and there is likely a ripple effect that reaches us all.  Consider your boss returns home to visit a relative and then isn't allowed back simply because our president said so.  Now there's a gap to be filled.  You'd better hope there wasn't a special skill set she possessed to make her a great boss.  That could seriously affect your company.  Or imagine you are sick and need a relative to come care for you, but once they do they can't return home again.  People are having their lives turned unexpectedly upside down over this presidential whim.

          We get a lot of great people from those banned countries because they come here on student visas.  They get a great education in our colleges and universities, and if we're very lucky they stick around and let us benefit from the knowledge and skills our country helped them achieve.  Making this ban is either trapping them here so they can't visit home regardless of whatever plans they had for the next 90 days, or it is telling them that we don't want them here, so if they do leave they shouldn't come back.  I don't know any of these individuals personally, but my husband does.  He's worked with them and is currently trying to help one of these hard working humans get hired at his lab.  This ban is not just inconvenient, but it is hurting the world.  How are these citizens supposed to feel when our president is telling them we don't want them?  Does he not realize that if he wants to make us safer, he needs to stop alienating others?  People who commit violent acts tend to be the outcasts, the ones who were bullied, ignored, or made to feel powerless.  What is the rest of the world left to think as America, the land of the free, rejects those in need or simply rejects whoever on a whim?   On the steps of the Supreme Court on Monday, Chuck Schumer pointed out that this ban even hurts our soldiers by shunning the allies they have overseas such as Darweesh and Alshawi (17).

          I'm sure you can come up with a dozen and a half arguments against the case I've made, because that seems to be the world we live in right now.  Instead of hearing another's words and trying to take them to heart we want to tell that person why they are wrong.  Go ahead and try, but my heart remains open to refugees, immigrants, and even the illegal immigrants.  They need to know that they are loved and that Americans care about them.  They need to know that we will continue to gather and protest injustices as they arise.  We aren't always good at this (I am deeply sorry black Americans), but maybe this is the time for us to start trying to be better.  Maybe we can keep this marching momentum for everyone who is being held down until we can all stand free and equal.

          Finally, to all those standing up for these friends, neighbors, and especially the strangers, I see you and my heart is so full of love for you and this magical movement we have started.  If you have yet to join this movement consider this my outreached hand inviting you to join.  If things get really bad would you rather know you did everything you could to stop it, or potentially feel guilty for letting the anxiety silence you?  There is a March for Science in the works and a Tax Day March coming up.  All you need to do is show up, support those around you with a smile or two, and maybe even join in on the chants you like.  While you're waiting for those check out my ever-growing list of actions you can take to make a difference.  America truly is the greatest country in the world.  Let's fight for her.


*I use that word very purposely. We are white, have a nice apartment, health insurance, a solid career, a car, both have multiple college degrees, enough clothes that some items go a year or more without being worn, loving parents who are still married, food filling our fridge and pantry, and a dishwasher.


Update April 12, 2017

          Thankfully this first attempted ban and a second both got halted; the second one got halted before it even got started.  Now I read that the list of crimes committed by immigrants is running into troubles (18), no surprise there.  We're not even three months in, yet.



Additional Info:

          A list of quotes from several people directly affected by this ban.

          Meet some of the Iranian faces we are denying.  Thank you Rick Steves for doing stellar work and sharing it with us all.

Section 5c,d of "Protecting the Nation From Foreign Terrorist Entry Into the United States:"  The only two sections to use "I."

(c) Pursuant to section 212(f) of the INA, 8 U.S.C. 1182(f), I hereby proclaim that the entry of nationals of Syria as refugees is detrimental to the interests of the United States and thus suspend any such entry until such time as I have determined that sufficient changes have been made to the USRAP to ensure that admission of Syrian refugees is consistent with the national interest.
(d) Pursuant to section 212(f) of the INA, 8 U.S.C. 1182(f), I hereby proclaim that the entry of more than 50,000 refugees in fiscal year 2017 would be detrimental to the interests of the United States, and thus suspend any such entry until such time as I determine that additional admissions would be in the national interest.

No this is not MLA or APA style citation.  I'll do that again when I get paid for it.  You can also click on each number above and it will take you directly to each link.

1 http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSKBN1582XQ (originally posted Jan. 24)

2 http://www.pbs.org/newshour/rundown/10-executive-actions-trump-signed-far/

3 http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-publish-weekly-list-crimes-immigrants-commit-refugees-aliens-executive-order-us-a7546826.html?cmpid=facebook-post

4 https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/27/us/politics/trump-syrian-refugees.html?mtrref=www.facebook.com&gwh=860691CF51DF57C24316764200A60F02&gwt=pay

5 https://www.facebook.com/theDanRather/posts/10158124886660716

6 http://usuncut.com/news/nyc-taxi-drivers-refusing-pick-ups-jfk-airport-solidarity-refugees/

7 https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/27/us/politics/refugee-muslim-executive-order-trump.html

8 http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-several-reportedly-detained-at-o-hare-international-airport-20170128-story.html

9 https://twitter.com/tparsi/status/825426106543198210

10 https://www.facebook.com/nazanin.zinouri/posts/10202859584807567

11 https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/politics/wp/2017/01/30/the-arbitrary-nature-of-trumps-seven-country-ban-is-clear-from-a-look-at-the-numbers/?utm_term=.bc1afe406ebc

12 http://www.npr.org/2017/01/28/511996783/how-does-trumps-immigration-freeze-square-with-his-business-interests

13 http://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/1/25/14383316/trump-muslim-ban-immigration-visas-terrorism-executive-order

14 http://www.vox.com/2017/1/27/14370854/trump-refugee-ban-order-muslim

15 https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2017/01/29/trump-asked-for-a-muslim-ban-giuliani-says-and-ordered-a-commission-to-do-it-legally/?utm_term=.2720472e5774

16 https://www.dhs.gov/news/2016/02/18/dhs-announces-further-travel-restrictions-visa-waiver-program

17 http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/iraqi-refugee-helped-us-military-detained-jfk-airport-donald-trump-immigration-ban-a7551016.html
18 https://fusion.net/ice-puts-their-list-of-crimes-committed-by-immigrants-o-1794224083

11-12-13

          It's another one of those fun dates here in a country where we put the month before the day.  November 12, 2013.  Next year I think is the last cool one we'll get for a while so I'll have to hunt for other neat dates.  Today was marked with a beautiful sunrise over snow, the first snowfall of the season and it was measurable without being a pain.  I finally got some of the great shots I was hoping for with ice and colorful fall leaves together.

          Today was a very good day.  We purified our ferrocene in lab and ran UV-Vis, melting point, and some new cyclic voltammetry characterization where we reduced Fe 3+ to Fe 2+ then oxidized it again and got to see a pretty graph form.  I forgot my lab safety glasses but was able to run upstairs to the lab I do research in to get a spare pair.  While I was up there I ran into Arielle who was pushing particles through gold filters that I will analyze later.  After lab I went back to my apartment to eat a couple tamales that we made over the weekend with D's family.  They turned out fantastic!  We will definitely be making them again.  We joked about making it a Christmas tradition since that is a time that the whole family will be together to help build the tamales.

          As I was eating I posted a few pictures of the snow and fall leaves on my Facebook page and played my free Lumosity games.  I then quickly bundled up and made it to the research lab in time to ask my professor a few questions before I measured the concentrations of Arielle's solutions.  I stayed a bit longer to start making PDFs of my data that will help me write my semester summary.  It was nice going through my old data and seeing all that I accomplished this semester.  It didn't feel like much, but looking back I ran many useful tests that changed our course of research several times.  I am currently stuck on my research so it is nice being part of Arielle's group so I can still be productive while trying to solve my own puzzle.  Our professor will be very happy if we can reach our group goal by summer, so we will be working our butts off to make that happen.  Research is very fulfilling because it is one thing I am doing that can benefit someone other than myself.

          So far this semester has not been too bad.  I have been busy but not nearly as busy as I was last semester.  It is nice having down time that doesn't need to be spent eating, showering, and catching up on sleep.  I am getting As and Bs in organic, As in inorganic, and then there is lab where I will likely get a B because she grades data sheets far more strictly than any other professor I've had.  It's still a new lab so I understand that they are still working out the kinks.  I am having fun in lab.  We've made ferrofluids and silly putty, played with LEDs, and run several titrations and other color changes.  This week I get to reacquaint myself with mass spec. and H NMR although ferrocene is a very simple case.  Bethany and I will be presenting together again and I have high hopes for that.  We work very well together.  I have a few written assignments to do, 5 exams, and 1 quiz before Christmas.  Perhaps that should stress me out a little, but it doesn't.  Compared to last semester this semester is a total breeze.

          I've been fortunate enough to get to see D every weekend except one so far this semester.  On one special weekend he even made me study while he made food and did the dishes!  I got a very solid B on that exam thanks to his understanding that I needed to study but still wanted to get to spend time with him.  Don't worry, he got to work on his own hobbies while he wasn't helping out.

          So what is there to complain about when I have so much good in my life?  Who would want to complain when there is so much good to focus on?  I am very happy and loving life.  Even though there is work ahead I am confident that I will get through it largely unscathed.  And if I do ever stumble, I know that I have D here to pick me back up and keep cheering me on.

Turning Point

          April 14, 2013
          I am so incredibly happy right now!  I just got a 91% on an analytical chemistry exam.  That is my first A exam of the semester.  This semester has been very tough and overwhelming.  Since I'm a transfer student with a previous degree I only have to take chemistry courses each semester, and this semester I thought that I could handle organic chemistry 2 with a 2 credit lab (6 hours of in-lab work each week), analytical chemistry 1 with a 1 credit lab (3 hours each week), and physical chemistry 2 with a 1 credit lab (3 hours each week).  That is a total of 21 hours just spent in the classroom/lab each week.  My schedule is a little strange that I have odd breaks between classes and no break between labs twice a week so that makes my eating, sleeping, and working schedule very erratic.  I struggled with finding time to get everything done.  There never seemed to be enough time.  That is why you haven't heard from me in a while.

          When I signed up for this semester's classes my adviser looked at me like I was crazy having all these courses and labs at once, but then she shrugged and remembered that I'm not the typical college student.  I have experience being a student.  I've done this before.  So she let me sign up for 3 core classes and 3 labs.  I have since heard that most advisers would never suggest taking more than 2 chemistry labs at once.  But why would this be?  Last semester I had 3 classes and 3 labs and did just fine.  I even had lots of free time to try out new recipes, keep my apartment clean, and socialize with my family and D on nearly a weekly basis!  Why would this semester be any different?

          Well... first of all, last semester I was in a Freshman biology class that required very little studying and the lab required very little out of classroom time for writing up lab reports and preparing for lab.  Last semester's organic lab had worksheet lab reports that we would fill out with basic results from the lab and a few questions to answer and I could have done no prep work and still been just fine in lab if I'd wanted to blow off lab prep (which I didn't).  Organic lecture required the most time as I read the textbook, studied the notes, and studied some more.  Physical chemistry has a terrible textbook that doesn't help me at all, so after a few attempts, I gave up reading it and just paid attention to lecture and studied those notes and I was able to do quite well from that since I had an excellent professor.  The physical chemistry lab required the most time for preparation and written lab reports.  Each weekly lab report would take 3-10 hours to complete due to the amount of calculations and data/results to analyze and then writing it up nice and presentable.  So after last semester, I expected much the same from this semester just with a chemistry course replacing the biology course.

          Oh how I wish it had worked out that way.  My new chemistry class, analytical, is similar to general chemistry but it takes everything to the next level and introduces new, deeper ideas and also looks at the methods of using instruments, interpreting results, and using data to come up with more tests.  On a good day, this class would not present much of a challenge, and reading the textbook, studying class notes, and doing the homework would adequately prepare me for the exams.  Sadly, the first 3 months of this semester I didn't have all the time I wanted to be able to read the book to really understand the homework.  My homework and quiz grades were keeping my score within the average range, which is below average for me.  Thankfully my professor is really helpful and has been very kind to help me work through problems and explain problems I haven't been able to solve on my own.

          The lab isn't bad.  I don't have enough time to adequately prepare for it which would just speed things up a little, so my partner and I ended up the last ones in lab on a few different weeks.  Thankfully I've done well on all the labs; it doesn't hurt that they are really fun and interesting.  Getting to work with a different expensive piece of instrumentation each week helps with that.  We've done several types of spectroscopy and chromatography this semester with both older and newer equipment.  The lab write-ups are the easiest for this semester, too.  They consist of data sheets, showing our computations, and answering a few simple questions about the significance of our data and what the instruments can actually tell us.  So this is the one class I'm not too worried about.  Since this is the first semester that the lab and lecture are separate grades, the final exam will be new, but I will study as hard as I can to do my best on it and hopefully I'll secure the A.

          Physical chemistry is very fascinating this semester as we delve into the quantum world of physics and chemistry.  Our lecture and lab professors have switched positions and I really like the way lecture is being run and taught.  I'm understanding and enjoying the lecture even more.  Since I'm not even trying to understand the textbook anymore my time for this class is spent studying lecture notes, the homework, and previous test answers that have all been provided for us.  This is a mostly math course with a need for understanding the concepts in order to know how the math works.  This is another class I shouldn't be getting a C in.  If I wasn't stretched so thin with my short-term memory being erased rather than saved as long-term, I think I could be getting a high B or even an A in here.  It is my good project scores that are keeping my grade close enough to a B to give me hope of reaching it by the end.

          Sadly physical chemistry lab is not going as well.  The labs themselves are going great and I'm learning a lot and enjoying myself just as I did last semester, but I don't have enough time to get the reports done on time.  Each week I'm writing up to 4 lab reports among all my lab periods and the p.chem. reports are taking at least 6 hours often more than 12 to complete, and I'm subtracting time not spent on the report.  I'm getting A's on all of them, but after the points are taken off for them being late they turn into B's.  I'm really disappointed because I know I can do better if I just had Hermione's time-turner.  So I'm getting a B in the lab, when I wish I was getting an A.  I'm even doing 10% better on this semester's lab exams because I understand what I'm doing!

          I'll go to organic lab, now.  These 6 hours a week in lab are very frustrating because neither the lab professor nor the TA seem to know what they are doing.  I'll give them a little slack for this being their first time teaching it, but it's very frustrating when they don't even seem to understand the procedure or the mechanisms of the reactions taking place.  I always come to this lab fully prepared because it is the most complex and I really want to get the right product.  Thankfully I do prepare or I might have ended up needing to redo entire labs or portions of them.  I saw the professor mislead some of my classmates so that they ended up doing unnecessary steps that actually messed up their labs.  So if I ever did have questions, I always took their advice with a grain of salt, if it made sense to me I would follow it, if it didn't I would follow my gut and hope I did it right.  Sometimes the manual could stand to be a little clearer.  If lab was frustrating enough while we're in there, we were also expected to use a new program for our lab reports without any guidance on how to use it.  I managed to figure out enough to get decent mechanisms drawn out, but each one took hours when it would take minutes to do by hand.  This slowed down lab reports and made turning in two lab reports each week very time-consuming without much payout.  By that I mean the labs didn't teach me much aside from following directions and doing new techniques.  P.chem. labs and their reports always solidified lecture material and gave me a really good understanding of what I'd just done in the lab.  So now with all that time taken each week that leaves one more lecture course to squeeze in.

          Organic chemistry, the bane of this semester.  Again, this is a course I could be doing well in if I had more time to devote to it.  I haven't been able to read all the chapters once much less take the time to go through them a second time and answer all the study problems.  I attend lecture and nothing is sticking in my mind.  The online homework hasn't helped, either.  I have been doing terribly on the tests, not even passing, and this is stressing me out so much.  I need a C in order for this class to count as anything and the only way that is even possible at this point is if I don't do anything except study, attend class, eat, and sleep and some of those should probably overlap.  If I do that I will go nuts and I don't think I'm exaggerating.  My mind has never been so ill at ease as it has been this semester.  The end of my second year of teaching was incredibly stressful and somehow this is even worse.  I hate letting myself down and not doing as well as I know I can, and here I am doing poorly in ALL of my classes when I know I could be at least a letter grade higher in everything.  I am learning nothing, I am not eating or sleeping right/enough.  The majority of my social life is seeing D one day a week if I'm lucky (which this semester I've been surprisingly lucky in that respect) and talking science and nerd stuff with one of my classmates after p.chem. about once a week.  My sister is now my neighbor and I hardly see her more than just in passing.

          All of this led me to make a hard decision.  I could lose my mind fighting to just barely pass all my classes, or I could allow myself to fail organic lecture and devote that time to my other classes to try to pull my grades up.  I spent a lot of time using the GPA calculator to predict the results of each path and I decided that it was definitely worth taking a failing grade in order to feel good about my other classes.

I knew I could make it through the semester after I saw this.

          End of Spring '13 Semester
          Oh what a difference was made!  I got a 91% then a 93% on the last two analytical exams, scores which I later learned set the curve for that class.  That certainly felt better than the 63% and 62% I'd gotten on the first two.  With finals approaching I studied for the cumulative p.chem., analytical, and analytical lab exams and the final p.chem. lab and organic lab exams.  I had just reached a B in both my lecture courses before the final so I had to do at least that well on the finals to keep them.  I was stuck at a solid B in p.chem. lab and that would have to do.  I had an A in analytical lab but the final was worth enough points to pull it down, and I wasn't sure on the best way to prepare for the exam.  I had a B in organic with seemingly no hope of gaining enough points to get it higher.  I had two unknown compounds to identify and the tests were inconclusive; I had to trust the mass spec, IR and NMR to lead me the right way and the professor had warned us not to trust that data alone.  There were 330 points left to gain and I wasn't confident about how many of those I'd actually be able to get so I aimed for the 115 needed to keep the B.

          During my second year of teaching I tried a motivational strategy of having the students view failure differently.  Rather than failure being the end, failure is just a path we all need to take in order to reach success.  We looked at Edison's thousands of failed attempts at inventing the light bulb, Einstein's poor grades in school, and nearly 50 other famous "failures" who are now regarded as geniuses in their fields.  It would be hypocritical of me to tell my students that it's ok to fail now and then as long as you keep trying if I didn't also allow myself to fail.

So I got an F in organic lecture.

          I'd made sure to immediately speak with my professor about my decision and he respected and understood my reasons.  I will study this summer and retake the class next semester with much better results, I am confident in that.  I will also be happy to actually understand the material and have my grade reflect my understanding.  By failing organic chemistry I was able to do very well on my p.chem. exam and ended the semester with a very solid B of which I am very proud.  I kept the B in p.chem. lab, no surprise there.  I earned over 250 of those last points in organic lab and actually pulled off an A, a goal my sister believed I could reach, and I thank her for motivating me to continue giving my all those last two weeks.  The best news of the semester is the fact that I pulled my analytical score up to an A and my professor could tell you I was very excited when I learned that news in his office.  Yes, I did a happy dance, although that waited until I reached my apartment.  I was impatient to know how I did in analytical lab and I finally reached my professor and learned that I got yet another A.  In a semester where I thought I would be all C's and B's I managed to pull of 3 A's, 2 B's, and that F I'll replace next semester.  I learned my limits, and I will make sure I don't bite off more than I can chew so that I can do well at everything I do rather than mediocre.  What a satisfying end to a very rough semester.

I went to a photography workshop with D's sister and spent hours just taking pictures.  It was wonderful.

Celebrating 100 Dates

          I don't know if all bloggers started out as writers of "Dear diary"s or journals, but I know that I did.  In 3rd grade my teacher, Mrs. Varness, introduced her class to writing in a journal.  Three days a week we would have a writing prompt on the board and we had to write at least 3 complete sentences on topics ranging from what we did over the weekend and what we hope to do when we grow up to what we would do if we were president.  I loved writing in that journal and, believe it or not, I still have it and love rereading my 3rd grader self's thoughts (10/9/96  I wonder if my parents give me money when I lose a tooth.) and feelings (10/17/96 If I was the principal at [school] I would make it so that kids wouldn’t have to take shots. Then I’d make a teachers day off. Then I would quit.).  Sadly I don't have a record of the writing prompt, so sometimes it's a game trying to guess what I'm responding to (11/22/96 I would be s[h]ocked.  I would cry. My eyes would pop out of the sockets.).

          Ever since then I've periodically kept journals, sometimes hand-written and sometimes electronic.  In 2010 I saw people making facebook photo albums called 365 Challenge where they would take a picture each day to post and write a little about what happened that day.  I loved that idea but even though I almost always have my camera with me that doesn't mean I remember to use it, so that would not work.  Instead I challenged myself at the start of 2011 to write at least a few words each day before bed that summed up some part of the day even if was just "2/9/2011 is over." or very slightly expanded thoughts on the day "4/23/2011 You know something is wrong when smiling and laughing cause your muscles to be sore within a few short minutes. Random thought of the night."

          I like keeping a journal because it is fun to look back and see what I was up to and how I was feeling through the years.  I like reflecting on parts of my life and seeing how they shaped me into who I am today.  I never dreamed that 2011 would be such a pivotal year for me.  My goals for the year were simply "to get a job for the fall, to be less stressed, and rediscover myself and be happy with what I find.  Maybe I’ll actually get in shape this year ;)  Yeah, that’s a joke.  My big hope for the summer (we’ll see if it happens) is to take a stunt driving lesson.  I’ve been toying with the idea of becoming a stunt coordinator.  It isn’t useful in the grand scheme of life, but it would work my brain and might make me happy.  Here’s to the New Year!" (1/2/2011).

          At the beginning of 2011 I was in the middle of my second year of teaching with only a yearly contract, so I didn't know if my classroom would still be there for me in the fall.  I also did not know that nearly all of my plans would change within a few months, nor did I know that I actually would get into shape by that summer and happily postpone my plans for stunt driving school.  That was the year I quit teaching, went back to school, and met D.

          I am SO happy that I chose 2011 to keep a daily journal because that allowed me to record my thoughts and feelings through the beginning of our relationship.  It also allowed me to keep track of our dates which is how I know that last Saturday, January 19, 2013 was our 100th date!  

Maybe we can keep this balloon to refill when we hit 1000!

          I consider a date any day that we spend time together.  Since our schools are 3 hours apart and even our parents' homes are 45 minutes away from each other, we don't get to see each other as often as most couples do.  There is no chance of us randomly running into each other to get to spend time together.  So each day that I spend with D, whether it is a relaxing day playing video games side by side and watching shows, or a day of adventure and going places, to me, each time I get to see D is special and therefor a date.

          For our 100th, we took my aunt out to lunch, although she generously refused to let us pay (we'll be faster at grabbing the check next time, hehe), went to church with D's family, enjoyed a family dinner together, and watched Robot Chicken.  His parents were nice enough to let me stay the night so we could share our 101st day together right away and it was the perfect start to our next 100 dates.  D's mom made us an egg scramble to go with coffee cake for breakfast, yum! Then, we got to look at puppies and other cute, and some less-cuddly animals, and he helped me try to adjust the focus on my camera to take pictures of all the amazing plants the store was also selling.  When we got back we had dinner with his family and watched Resident Evil 5 and The Lorax with them.  With such a fantastic weekend it was really hard to return to school.  At least I know that I get to see D again next weekend!

Here's to the next 100 dates!

4 Down, 2 to Go: How ter Keep Yer Wits About Ye Durin' Exams

          Whew!  What a week.  I can honestly say I have never studied as much as I have in the past two weeks, and I'm not done yet.  All semester I've managed to stay on or near the A side of the grade borderline in my classes and I'm fighting hard to keep it that way.  Ever since my high school geometry teacher taught me how to calculate needed scores to get my desired grade I've made sure to keep track of my grades throughout the semesters so by finals I know exactly what I need to get.

My yard didn't have much left blooming by Thanksgiving break,
but I'm glad to see we'll have plenty of milkweed growing again next year.

          This semester I started my last two years of my chemistry degree at my first away-from-home university.  This is actually the third college I've attended in the past 7 years.  I got a Bachelor of Arts degree from my first university, used it for a couple of years and then realized my passion lies in science.  So the next year I started my chemistry degree at a junior college before transferring here.  Excluding this semester (scores aren't in, yet) I have always gotten As since high school.  Believe me when I say admitting that is not bragging.  None of the classes I took during my first degree challenged me nearly as much as the classes this semester, and my calculus classes last year have.  I don't feel any pride in the 4.0 I have with my degree.  Does that seem weird?

          Here's why.  It was easy!  I barely had to put any effort into those classes to "excel" in them.  I have to thank my parents for giving me the winning genetic lottery ticket when it comes to my brain power, because I was born lucky.  I learn a bit faster than a lot of my classmates and I don't need to study as much as them to do just as well or even better.  I can't stand up and brag about my ease of learning because I have no control over that; those are just the genetic cards I was dealt and I am very, very grateful for that!  I would feel like I have the right to brag if my effort was reflected by my grades, but it isn't.  As I said, in getting that first degree I didn't need to put in much effort so I put effort in the classes that I liked and wanted to work harder in, just for me.  But for other classes that I wasn't interested in, I put in the minimal amount of effort necessary to get the A and spent the rest of the class doodling cartoons about professors I didn't like, or fictional characters I invented.

          If I get straight As this semester, though, I will be able to stand tall and say with a smile, "Yes, I earned those."  And if I get a couple Bs, guess what, I sure as heck earned those, too!  During my two years out of school I realized that the effort, and not the letter, is what really matters.  I have seen students struggle and work very hard to get a C or even a D in a class and look at it with pride, because they know that they worked hard for that grade.  They did not win the genetic lottery, and so they fight and struggle with academic material to do the best that they can, and that hard work is what matters.  Well I have worked hard this semester.  I am reading the textbooks, doing the homework even if it isn't graded, studying and staying on top of everything that needs to get done.  Sometimes I struggle, sometimes I don't do as well as I would hope, but I know that this time I am putting the effort into my work and I am proud of myself.

Christmas tree hunting with D's family.
It's a family tradition I was invited to participate in this year. :)

          On Tuesday I had two lab exams.  I expected the biology lab exam to be pretty easy, and it was.  I didn't slack in studying for it, though.  I went through all of the available Power Point presentations and notes available, I looked over my graded homework, and reread parts of the lab manual.  The lab counts as part of the lecture grade and I was just at the A so I knew I needed as many points as I could get, so I wanted to get 20/20 since just a few points could be the determining factor between two letter grades.  This is a freshman level class so I would feel pretty disappointed if I got a B.

          The second lab exam was in physical chemistry, the math course of chemistry.  I liked the math parts of general chemistry last year, but boy, p.chem is a different animal.  Throw in a healthy dose of calculus and statistics along with plenty of formulas and concepts to understand and you've got yourself a none-too-easy class.  I got a C on my first lab exam and I knew that I needed at least a high C on this one to keep the A that my lab reports earned me.  I spent most of last Sunday and Monday writing up my last lab report and studying for this exam.  I broke this up with studying for organic chemistry and my bio lab exam.

I saw my first snowflakes the day after Thanksgiving at D's house.
It was so cold icicles formed on the net over the pond.

          Wednesday was my last organic chem. exam before the final.  It was mostly reactions: knowing the mechanism, reagents, or products of reactions.  I had planned to get a jump-start studying for this over Thanksgiving break but I thankfully ended up far too busy spending time with loved ones and relaxing.  But that meant I still had a lot of work to do.  Last Thursday (not yesterday) I had the organic chem. lab exam.  The lab for organic and p.chem are separate from the lecture portions of the classes so they get their own grades.  After I studied my butt off making sure I could interpret and analyze IR and HNMR readings, I had to buckle down and start studying for the lecture portion of the class.  I read the chapter and worked the problems as the book presented them checking my answers in the manual.  I made a guide sheet for each new type of mechanism illustrated and wrote down as many examples and key points as I could find about each mechanism on this sheet.  I then listened to the recorded lectures and followed along as the professor went through each mechanism.  This exam was over four chapters, and by the exam I had only had only thoroughly go through two of them.  I quickly went over the last two in the two hours before the exam, taking notes, and watching the sped up lectures.  Thankfully I knew that even if I did poorly on this exam, my performance on the final could replace this score if I did better.

          Wednesday evening I took a reward break to play my favorite video game before a p.chem review session.  The organic exam went much better than I expected and I knew that I got at least a 60%, which I would happily accept after running out of study time.  Thursday I slept in to make up for some lost sleep during the beginning of the week, and then I studied for today's biology exam.  The final exam is optional because we only get to keep our 4 best exam scores and today was Exam 4.  The final is scheduled for the same day as the organic chem. final and I really want to be able to spend studying time completely focused on getting those mechanisms learned solidly.  That said, I had to do GREAT on today's exam.  I studied for multiple hours and went to review sessions to get a mid to low A on the first exam.  I studied less hard and went to fewer review sessions to get a low B on the second exam.  I studied even less and went to no review sessions to get a very low B on the third exam.  I've done great in the lab, but that only counts for 27% of the final grade so I knew that I had to kick today's exam's butt to get the A and avoid taking next week's final.  So yes, I studied until 5 a.m. this morning, took a short nap, and took the exam.  There were 3/50 that I wasn't sure I got right so I had high hopes that I'd reached my goal.

          Before I give away any results, although I do not yet have official results, I would like to share:

A few flowers were still blooming at my aunt's house. We went out for lunch and back to her place for cake!

Final Exam Survival Strategies

          To do our best on days that a lot is expected from us, there are good things we should all make sure to do ahead of time in order to be ready to face the day.  The following are strategies that I followed when studying for the 5 exams I took in the past week and a half.  And guess what? After 5 tasking exams I'm still sane!

Sleep!  Yes, that's right, our brains need sleep. No matter how much we study, if we do not get sleep our brain won't be able to retain it all.  Sleep helps turn short-term memory into long-term memory.  I didn't make that up.  So if you have 5 hours before that exam and you are fighting to keep your eyes open and focused, or your head keeps nodding on its own, you need a nap.  I've read that 20 minute power naps are supposed to work great.  I much prefer taking at least 2 hours to snooze.  I put on my pjs, crawl under the covers and let myself sleep.  Yes, you are losing study time, but you are creating long-term memory that might end up being more valuable in 5 hours.

Eat.  I doubt anyone starves themselves during exam week, but make sure you're feeding your whole body. Stress can take a  huge toll on our body even if it is just attacking us for a few days.  Food is a great way to help fight it.  I know that stress kills my immune system and I usually end up very sick around exam time every year.  To fight that, this semester I made sure to add some variety to my diet.  I ate an orange, yogurt, celery with ranch dressing, banana ice cream, cheese, banana bread, oatmeal with chopped up strawberries, strawberry banana ice cream, drank lots of water, orange juice, milk, and ate plenty of carbs and fats.  I don't know the best diet for someone under stress, but when I know the stress is short-term, I eat what my body requests and throw in what I think it is lacking.  I always crave carbs, fats, and sweets when I'm stressed.  I don't overindulge, and I don't have to worry about overeating in these categories because my stomach is very small.  So if giving your body everything that it wants won't work for you, that's ok.  You know your body best.  But don't be afraid to indulge a little during this stressful time as long as you mix in fruits and veggies.  Look at it as a reward for working so hard.

Vitamins are also important.  I know that the limited fruits and veggies I get into my diet won't help my body fight off a germ very well, so during exams I take a daily multivitamin to give my body a little extra backup.  Water is another ally for your health.

Know what you know.  If you already know it solidly, don't waste time studying it again.

Know what you don't know.  This is where you should focus.

Prioritize.  Know what is most important, what will take the most time, and the areas it is ok to not do your very best on.  I knew that the biology lecture exam was very important so I made it a priority to be well-rested and well-fed before I studied for it.  I knew I could mess up in organic and make up for it next week so when I ran out of time to study for it, I went to bed to get a few hours of sleep before the test.

Don't sweat the small stuff.  One concept is really stumping you again and again.  Once you realize this is something you just might not be able to fully understand before the exam, move on.  Let those points go, wave at them and smile, or if you really feel the need you can apologize to them or give them a solemn mental funeral ceremony.  Study other things that will help you earn more points in other areas.  It is much better to lose a few hopeless points willingly than to accidentally lose points in areas you understand but ran out of time to refresh.  Trust me, you'll kick yourself over the points you should have known.

Keep it real/grounded.  Step back and look at your life, all of it, past, present and future.  Is your grade on this exam big stuff or small stuff?  Is it going to hugely impact the rest of your life?  Probably not.  A bad grade will not prevent you from getting a good job.  So right now is it more important to freak out about this exam and frantically read more notes, or would it be better to breathe and remember that this one grade will not define you?

Take a breather.  Along with food and sleep, our brains need oxygen.  Sometimes we study for too long and we don't let our brain get that important air in large quantities.  After I've been sitting too long I need to get up.  I'll go refill my water glass, take a shower, organize my work space, or do the dishes.  I find that I get the most housework done when I am procrastinating doing school work.  You could also take a walk.  I find that after walking to class I feel refreshed and more alert than after sitting for many hours.  Just do something to get the blood flowing a bit so your brain can feast on needed oxygen.  I've seen this advice in many places, so I think other people have found this to be beneficial.

Take small mental breaks.  I frequently take breaks from studying.  Sometimes I can get on a roll and study for several hours without stopping.  But usually I need to get away from the material for a few minutes just to let my eyes relax so they can focus on the pages again.  So I study a section until I notice that I keep getting distracted, then I hop on facebook or skype for a quick chat.  Surf the web, read a news story, check out some recent pins on Pinterest, see what's on the news feed.  No, this time isn't productive in my studying, but it makes me more willing to refocus after I've taken a break.  Sometimes a break can even be a change in my study method.  Instead of reading from the book maybe I can work some problems or listen to an audio of a lecture or watch a lecture online or video reinforcing a concept.  So your mental breaks can be productive.

Reward yourself!  This is last, but certainly not least on my list.  If I've been doing great studying, I will reward myself by watching an episode of my favorite show, then get right back to work.  This way I'm not distracted by wondering what happened to Sam and Dean this week or Oliver or Dexter.  I also gave myself a video game break after my exam and that got my creative juices flowing and that night's sleep was full of vivid dreams that had me waking in a good, thoughtful mood.  Food is also a reward.  Sugar is a known evil to me, but I love it so much.  So when I am stressed and working I will indulge my sweet tooth in the refined artery scratchers.

Another set of flowers still alive at my aunt's house.

Results Are In

          While I have not had my final scores affirmed, yet, I am confident that I can predict the outcomes of 3 of my 5 classes based on my performance from the rest of the semester.  First, organic chemistry lab: I had a 97% going into the exam, I loved the class and loved the material.  It was fun to study and the exam felt very manageable.  I predict an A.  Second, p.chem lab: I got my lab notebook back with full points and my lab exam with a B.  So with the A my lab reports got me, I should have maintained an A in this class.  Hard work definitely earned that A!  Third, biology, molecular and cellular basis of life: I got a high A on the lecture exam!! My studying paid off and with my strong lab score I definitely got the A and do not need to take the final next week.  (EDIT: I also got a 20/20 on my lab exam!)  I am very happy with these scores.  My organic chem. exam also came back with an A so I improved in organic, p.chem, and biology and I am very proud of myself.  All of that studying paid off.  I even got back a p.chem lecture homework assignment with the highest score I've gotten all semester that would have been a 100% if I had figured out one more little thing.

          I am very happy with the way these past two weeks have gone.  I have one week left with two more exams and I plan on aiming for As in both.  If I get them, I will be very proud of myself, and if I earn Bs instead, I will still be pleased because these were not easy courses and I no longer expect perfection in my grades.  My goal in school is to learn the material and understand it.  So if I get a B, that just means I need to study a bit longer to really understand it.

          If you have something big coming up soon I wish you the best of luck!

D and I saw this on our way to our friends' Thanksgiving party.

Excitement in the Biology Lab

         I just transferred into this school this semester as a second bachelors student.  Since I am going for a degree completely different from the one I already have, there are some basics I need to take to prepare me for the higher level courses I'll be taking.  Because of that, as a "senior" I am in a freshman biology class.  If you took the higher level biology class offered in your high school, that's pretty much what this class is, except in lab we don't dissect crayfish and watch single celled organisms move around in pond water.  We squish strawberries to extract and look at strings of their DNA.  We count the number of cells in an onion root tip that are in each stage of mitosis.  We measure the rate of photosynthesis in a leaf using syringes, and driving our TAs nuts because even they hate that lab.

A monarch butterfly caterpillar.  We let milkweed grow in our yard to attract them.

          In between lab weeks, we have a lab exercise week where we do a worksheet instead.  The last week we were in lab, two weeks ago, was a lab exercise day.  We all turned in our written lab reports, sat down, and prepared for a short lab lecture that we hoped would help us complete the assignment.

          That's when the guy in front of me looks down at the floor behind him and nudges the girl next to him, signalling toward the floor.  I decide to take a break from my daily sudoku to watch whatever was about to unfold.  The girl looks back and jumps in her seat.  She starts squirming and making noises like some horrible monster is about to get her.  Ok, this is definitely better than sudoku.

          The girl next to me, and my whole row and half the class notices that something is up, and she stands up to lean over the lab bench and see what's causing all the commotion.  I expect her to look and chuckle at whatever it was because she looks like a tough girl who wouldn't squeal at unknown floor monsters.  I am wrong.  She jumps back into her chair and starts scooting away from the bench as though whatever it may be is coming our way.  The girl next to her just about copies her exactly.

          Alright, I have to remind you here that I used to play with grasshoppers when I was little.  I also used to let daddy-long-leg spiders and spindly spiders crawl on my hands and arms.  There were very few bugs I would avoid playing with, and those were usually ones known to bite or sting.  Judging from the reactions of everyone who looked at this floor monster whatever was on the floor was probably big, hairy, and had more legs than any living thing should.  Why did I come to this conclusion?  What are the two things that freak the most people out that is small enough and likely to show up on a classroom floor?  A snake would be one, but that is less likely as a snake probably couldn't go unnoticed loose in a building very long.  A spider is the other.  It is fall now, and spiders are coming indoors, but not the hairless ones.  Those don't commonly come indoors and hunt across the floor.  The hairy ones are the hunters I usually find stalking my bedroom floor.

          So, everyone within seeing range of this monster is backing away from it, and I figured the wisest thing to do would be to follow suit, so I pushed my chair back a foot or two, just to be safe.  All this action does not go unnoticed by our TA.  She bravely comes to the row to see what the racket is about, looks, chuckles, reaches down and picks it up with her bare hands!  Several students are shocked.  I am not.  I was fooled by the crowd into believing there was some danger on the floor when it was only a cricket.

          A cricket!  Probably a small brown one, too. The TA informs us there's a cricket lab in the building and they often get loose, so she kindly spares it by letting it go outside while the class regains composure.  I feel silly.  Captain Z does not shy away from crickets.  I am the girl who used to go cricket hunting on a regular basis!

Milkweed longhorn beetles are also attracted to this plant.  They squeak when you hold them too tight.

          We have these large, blue garbage bins that we used to hold sports equipment and toys in the garage, and they were also used in the garden.  The bottom of these garbage cans have concentric circles that bump out and create wonderful little hiding tunnels for all sorts of bugs.  We would always hear the crickets chirping from the garage at night and it was our hobby to go out and catch as many of those big, black suckers as we could!  We'd put them in jars and look at them.  When we had ducks, they would get a nice snack the next morning, otherwise we'd let them go.  Grasshoppers eat grass, but what do crickets eat?  So we didn't often try raising them; it felt cruel to starve them slowly in a plastic jar.

We always let butterflies go, too.  The good kinds, at least, like this painted lady.
The bad ones are fun to feed to a praying mantis.

          Out in the garden was even better!  The soil stayed moist well into the morning under the protection of the garbage cans so bugs loved to live under there and stay right near the surface of the ground.  One of my siblings would quickly pull the garbage can away while the others crouched, ready to catch anything cool that tried to escape, or grab the earthworms and night crawlers before they could retreat down their tunnels.  Oh yeah, we all loved playing with bugs, even the slimy or stinky ones.  Did I tell you that I tried eating a stink bug when I was just a baby?  I guess I've just always been curious about them ;)  Don't worry, the stink bug was rescued from my mouth by my fast-acting mom.

          Now I already said that I didn't play with the stinging sorts of bugs.  I had a deep respect for the pain everyone said they could bring, so I didn't want to find out if all the stories were true.  My brothers, on the other hand, had no such respect.  Sometimes when we tried to catch butterflies on flowers, we'd accidentally snag a bee instead.  My brothers decided to make a game of it.  They put the bee in a jar, set the lid on top so the bee couldn't escape but without sealing it so it was easy to knock off.  Then they placed the jar in the clubhouse and backed up so that they were halfway between the bee and the garage door.  I was usually watching from the garage door.  I didn't want any part of their mean shenanigans, but if someone was going to get stung I didn't want to miss that.  It would be well deserved.

Don't worry, we never messed with honey bees.  None of them have ever stung us.

          Can you guess what is coming next?  They start taking turns throwing things at the jar.  They continue this until someone manages to knock the jar over and release the probably very angry buzzer.  My brothers come flying toward me and we shut the garage door as my brothers pant.  We share a look of triumph.  Haha, that evil bee was not fast enough to beat us into the garage.  Again!  So far no bee or wasp has managed to sting us before we got to safety.

          Are you laughing?  I am.  We actually thought the bees and wasps that we did this to were smart enough and angry enough to hunt us down and sting us before we reached safety.  Those poor bugs were probably just trying to get out of the jar and get as far away from our yard as possible!  Those rare occasions where my brothers actually managed to knock the jar over in a way that the bug couldn't get out were the scariest.  Then someone had to approach to jar, as though it was a bomb that could go off at any moment and release our doom, and put the jar back up on the clubhouse floor so they could try again.  You see, once you've got a stinging, mad bug in a jar, releasing it within 10 yards of yourself sounds like suicide.  We weren't crazy, we knew that once we caught the bug, knocking the jar over with a rock was the only way to let it loose without it killing us!

I wish I was that flexible!

          So the lesson here is: if you ever catch kids throwing rocks at a jar with a dangerous bug inside.  Instead of getting mad at them, be the brave hero and go let the bug out yourself and show them that it's not as dangerous as it seems.  Of course I wouldn't advise that with a wasp.  That'd be just plain crazy.  Grab a baseball or a very, very long stick to let that one go. ;)

Happy Halloween Yeh Scurvy Seadogs!

Ye lilly-livered landlubbers! Mangy dogs!  Soggy scoundrels!  Barbarous bilge rats!  Wrathful wenches!  Nasty knaves!  Ruthless readers!

One of Captain Z's many vessels.

          I'm not sure how many countries celebrate Halloween, but I do know that the end of summer and winter's approach is celebrated in different ways in many cultures.  Here in the United States we celebrate by dressing up in all sorts of costumes.  Kids go door to door saying "Trick or Treat" filling their bag or pillowcase with candy throughout the night.  Some really ambitious trick-or-treaters will fill their bag, go home to unload, and fill it again before the night is over.  Most places have a designated time for trick-or-treating and any houses that want to participate leave their outdoor house lights on to invite the kids to come get candy.

          For the kids, this night is all about dressing up, hanging out with their group, and getting candy.  For adults who participate in the holiday this is a time to see the variety of costumes, greet visiting neighbors, and spend time with whoever is with them passing out candy.

The 'ganger and I in 2009.

          When I get to pass out candy I like to turn on spooky music, get in my best costume, place a doppelganger on the porch, and stand perfectly still in the doorway like a dummy.  I watch, motionless, as my victims come strolling up the driveway.  Some of them notice me right away; some of them don't see me until they go to knock or ring the doorbell.  Those who do see me go through a variety of emotions that play clearly across their faces.  I love that moment.  They wonder: Is that real?  Is it alive?  Why isn't it moving?  Perhaps they are even wondering for a fleeting moment if it is safe to approach.

          Ding-Dong...

2007 window decoration?

          OF COURSE IT'S NOT SAFE TO APPROACH!  Who approaches the house of a creepy clown and thinks they will leave unchanged?!  I have made many cry, I have made many jump.  But my favorite experience was back in 2004 when I was dressed very much like this.

2005 Two-Faced Clown

          Some of my high school classmates thought they weren't too old to go trick-or-treating.  So, just like everyone else, they approached my house.  But lo, the arrogance of male teens, their cockiness and swaggering steps led them to my porch, and I watched, just as I always do, silent as a statue.  The alpha male goes to ring the bell without noticing me and it's too late!  My head swivels to follow his movements and that slight motion sends him stumbling backwards with fear.  Ha!  I scared the big bad football player.  His two buddies laugh at him, as I wordlessly pass out the candy.  The only break in my facade is a small smirk I can't contain.

          Even my one year old nephew didn't shy away from the bloodier version in 2006.  Instead he enjoyed grabbing the nose off of my face and putting it back on.  I wish he has left it off, no nose = no fall sniffles! Ba-da tsh!  Hey, I'm a clown.  I'm supposed to be funny and make bad jokes.

Honestly, what did you expect?

          Passing out candy on Halloween is one of my favorite things to do.  Apart from scaring older kids, I love seeing all the little kids and proving to them that I'm not nearly as scary as I look.  For some reason an unbelievably large number of people are very irrationally afraid of clowns.  I would like to break this misconception that all clowns want to lure you in with a balloon just to pull your arm off.  Why would I want your arm, anyway?

An extra arm would really throw off my symmetry.

          Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that so many people's hackles raise at the mere mention of a clown; it makes my job very easy.  And I did make scaring a job.  In 2008 I passed an advertisement for a  haunted house I'd never heard of and I checked out the website noting that they were looking for volunteers.  I had set a goal for myself to do something new independently, so how could I pass this up?

Welcome to my lair.  Enter at your own risk, and do stay for dinner.  I'm nearly finished with the last group.

          I experienced my first audition and discovered a dark side of me that  had been hiding all these years. He wanted the last scream ever heard from a dying girl- I screamed the scream of a girl who doesn't know how to scream.  He wanted a cannibalistic clown- I ate the flesh off of my victim and threw away the bone, starving for more.  That's what he was looking for.  Every weekend in October I resided in my small clown room with my fellow clowns, scaring people so badly that many actually peed their pants.  The chainsaw guy counted wet pants running toward cars each night and we monsters cheered loudly at the end of the night gatherings.  We truly were a family of minions and we loved our job.  The owner of the haunt has the right personality and responsible attitude that it's no wonder he's able to expand each year with more minions and more visitors and the property owners just keep giving him more freedoms and space to grow.

          I worked there two years in a row and tried again last year, but the hairspray, dust, and face paint fumes irritated my lungs too much.  I lost my voice and ended up quite sick the second year.  I came home after the preview night last year and blew brown dust out of my nose and could already feel my throat getting scratchy so I decided to hang up the wild striped jacket and just enjoy  haunted houses as fresh meat, instead.

          This year I celebrated Halloween with my friends on a weekend.  It was very fun, but it's not quite the same when you aren't enjoying nervous glances all night long.  Of course, had I gone in full costume I bet those glances would have come my way.  D and I were zombies in the early transition stage and since we'd just butchered ourselves a zombie, I got a little blood on my hands.

          Today I couldn't sit idly by and let everyone else celebrate my favorite holiday without me.  I do not have a costume at my apartment and I did not realize I was going to have a professor actually encourage us to dress up for class.  If I had known that I would have brought everything, just for his class.  He came dressed as an Imaginary Thing.  Similar to Dr. Seuss's Thing 1 and Thing 2 but instead he was Thing √-1.  I thought that was clever. I had an exam today that I've spent several days studying for so I knew I wouldn't have much time for getting dressed up. So I searched Pinterest for nail polish ideas and was lucky enough to find an idea that matched my available colors.

          The three coats of white took a long time since that's not a quick drying polish, but rolling up a strip of newspaper into a tube and using it to blow the red onto my nails was fun! It was very quick and made every nail look different.

          I was Dexter's girlfriend for Halloween. What were you?