The Adventures of Captain Z: You'll be there with bells on!

Grandma's High School graduation photo.

The last time I saw Grandma was after Grandpa's funeral. We all went over after the service to visit with her and share some 3 Musketeers. She just woke up from a nap so she is a bit groggy for a while and takes several minutes of watching us, especially the nephews running around, to wake up. Dad starts feeding her cut up Musketeers bars and that smile starts making a few appearances. We begin talking with her about the nephews and their school and other small talk topics to give her a chance to fully awake. Then as I show her my rings, she always loves looking at jewelry, she crooks her finger at me to come closer. I don't know what she's up to so I bend closer and she still crooks her finger at me so I step closer still and next thing I know she's tickling me! Even with Alzheimer's she remembers that I'm the ticklish one. She tries tickling a few other people with some success but always looks back at me with her mischievous sparkle in her eyes and starts crooking her finger at me again. I humor her and let her tickle me and now we're all laughing and joking around. Grandma is laughing too, but that always leads to a coughing fit. Coughs don't stop our fun, though, and we keep up the game of tickle wars, tickling each other, until it is time for her to line up for dinner. As Dad wheels her away I chase after her to give her another goodbye hug and kiss, then run out one more time to get a quick picture of that smile. I'm so glad we were all able to make one last happy memory together.

Now go get Grandpa and tickle him until he laughs! October 22, 2014

August 30, 2014

Married 1959.

The happy couple cutting the cake.

So much love and joy.

I never knew it would mean so much to me for Grandma to get so excited about my wedding.

You see, I hadn't planned on mentioning my engagement to her. I hadn't even planned on her having any understanding of who I am beyond a smiling face happy to see her. Grandma has dementia, that horrible brain-eating disease that slowly erases memories, usually starting with the newest ones. You don’t remember how long it has been since you've seen a familiar face. You don’t remember who these 20-somethings are claiming to be your grandchildren, because if you even have grandchildren, they’re still just little kids, not these full grown adults with kids of their own. You hardly recognize your own kids because they, too, look much older than they should. Your husband becomes the bossy man sharing your room that keeps chiding you for forgetting simple things you just can't recall.

"Bossy" Grandpa and Dad playing a round of Scrabble. 2010

You pack your bags, ready to go home, knowing this place isn't your home. Instead, a stranger comes in to give you a bath and help you unpack; you can’t remember why and you’re not sure you should trust her. Your son arrives and your bag is packed ready to go home; it’s dinnertime and a woman claims to be reminding you that this is your home now. She never told you that before and now you’re confused. Why is this home? After dinner you wait for your son; he’s coming to visit today. It says so on your calendar. You’d better pack up so he can take you home.

Grandma with her mom, husband, two kids, son-in-law, and first grand-baby. 1983

Your daughter arrives and she brought chocolates and her funny husband. You are so happy to see them and to enjoy those chocolates. They need to run out to the car to get something; they’ll be right back. Your daughter arrives and she brought chocolates and her funny husband! You are so happy to see them, but you can only eat a couple chocolates, you aren't very hungry. The funny husband cracks jokes as he wheels you to your room. Your daughter arrives! Oh it’s been months since you've seen her. Why hasn't she been coming with her husband to visit you? You are so happy to see her again, finally!

A doctor comes; you are in pain all the time. You remember this because the pain never stops. He gives you medicine to help. You are in the gathering room when a woman and man arrive. They have chocolates for someone, but they decide to share with you and sit down and chat with you while they must be waiting for someone else. Oh wait, they look familiar now, when did my daughter get so old? She used to be the little blondie running around the farm and now she’s married to this funny man? Why can’t you remember? How could you forget so many years and so many memories, but you know it’s her, she looks like your daughter and keeps calling you Mom.

Visiting with more family and enjoying cookies. 2012

Holding baby me. 1987

First great-grand-baby. 2005

Second great-grand-baby and a wedding. 2007

Anniversary visit. 2008

Thanksgiving Day. 2008

Your daughter is here with her funny husband! And look, they brought your grandkids. You haven’t seen them since they were babies and now they are all grown up and having babies of their own. How did you miss so much time? Why didn't they ever come to visit? You are leaving this strange place with them, finally, maybe you will get to go back home. You and your husband are now surrounded by family, so much family you haven’t seen in years. They say you've been married for 50 years to your bossy husband. How is that possible? You get cake, and everyone wants to talk to you but they make no sense. They are sharing all these stories about people you don’t remember, should you remember them? Everyone keeps saying: remember, remember, but it doesn't help. You can’t remember. Why can’t you remember? You lock yourself in the bathroom; you are tired of being asked to remember. It’s just not possible but you don’t know why. You are scared. What is happening to you?

The beginning of the party was great, then came time to chat with everyone. 2009

You wish the bossy man would just leave you alone.

The doctor comes. He says he is going to try a new medicine. For what? For the pain?

Celebrating the new year. 2010

Got a smile! 2010

Three generations. 2011

Your daughter is here, and she brought her daughter with her. You haven’t seen them in forever! Your daughter speaks with your husband when you notice the sparkling ring on your granddaughter’s hand. Oh she’s going to be married! You grab her hand to get a closer look and you just can’t stop the excitement and joy from pouring out of you. You gush and you want to know everything. Who is the lucky guy? She takes down a picture frame full of several pictures and points at a smiling man in one picture standing next to her. They look happy. She tells you he is a good man and that she is a very lucky girl to have him. You couldn't be happier for her! What does her mom think about it all? Oh she is excited too. When will the wedding be? May or June. Can you come to it? She said yes, oh you wouldn't miss it for the world! You tell her you will be there with bells on! Will it be a white wedding? When will the wedding be? Can you come to the wedding? Yes you can! You will be there with bells on! You are just so excited and happy for her; you can’t stop gushing. She tells you about a trip she took. Your husband comes over to ask about the wedding while your daughter leaves for a moment. When will the wedding be? Are you invited? Yes! You will be there with bells on! She wants a picture with you, but it’s always been your trick to not smile in pictures claiming you will break the camera, so you keep up the running joke and don’t smile. She requests another picture and by now you are fighting away the laughter. She shows you the picture and you are appalled. Who is the ugly old woman in the picture? Is that really you? You won’t smile for any more pictures; maybe you really will break the camera. It is time for them to go. You wish they would stay. But you will see them again at the wedding. You will be there with bells on!

~9/11/2013